yay skyblog ^_^

ah so it's chooooose-dayyy, they're not such bad days really although they inevitably lead to wednesday, and wennnsdays and gay-days so :(
tomorrow may be particularly.. i want to say 'pungent' but THAT'S not the right word.. 'bad' probably, eugh at less-than-creative speech. basically tomorrow's gonna be wank fact fact :(
i have a small mountain of work to do before thursday, i'm thinking the sociology might be more like friday now, lol. but SPANISH?! could i just say it's the day after tomorrow and i still haven't learnt the presentation?! this is my A LEVEL. you wouldn't think i actually want to get to london now wouldya? lindz said i could get c's in all the modules and get an a overall, what joy? but i still need a presentation to get a c, so i'm screwed.
i'm in a funny mood, i have been for a while. elloirs and i went to the bibliotecque (sp? :|) earlier and i worked for a BIT and then it sorta fell apart.. my skirt was making a fun wafty jangly noise so i was too caught up in that. i assume that's hysteria over the speaking, WOOHOO.
i had a bath earlier! it was ace, i should have more baths for sure :D
but now i need to work :( i could accept that i'm not going to do any sociology before tomorrow.. i should have a double free tomorrow so i could do it then, or at least one depending if weird spanish man is in. either way i could use that time. if i learn the presentation tonight.. i remembered the first half in the bath earlier but my head's been filled with bread and gok wan since then so who knows? :(
ah i had a wave of excitement about george's party earlier though, like three minutes ago lol, drew's now going as a stormtrooper - JOY. plus we had a brief planning how the hell do you make a paper maché whale/octopus conversation earlier so the wheels are in motion! GOOD TIMES.
fifteen days 'til george's.
thirty seven days 'til study leave.
sixty four days 'til summery freedom.
THIRTY NINE HOURS 'TIL SPANISH.
oh i may actually die tonight. ah caaaaalm.
there isn't a lot else going on really. prom dress planning, bridget jones underwear planning, costume planning, running from craig, some work being done or at least more than before. my english teacher had a word with me today, she thinks i have some sort of problem in an 'is everything alright at home?' kinda way. which is no fun.
i should go learn spanish anyways. soooooon!

oh my. so it's twenty to three on sunday the whateverth of april, i've just watched shipwrecked for like two hours. i love that show but what, what? my sociology coursework is for thursday and there really isn't any way for me to extend that, she's gonna mark them all in like a week and get them back etc to be sent off like two weeks later. i'm screwed, pluuuus my spanish speaking exam is on THURSDAY. i have to stay back tomorrow and do like a mock with craig and i know NOTHING, i have to learn those three/four sides by tomorrow. i need an a, i'm actually going to fail. okay i'll check the marks and stuff on the website, i can pull it back with the text and the random questions..
it's FIFTEEN% OF MY A LEVEL. FIFTEEN, KILL ME. coursework is 20% and i got okay on that, so.. if i got 86+85+118 last year that's, what, 289 out of 300 and i need 480 for an a? omg omg the reading/listening/translating/essay is only FIFTEEN%?! wtf?! that's a three hour exam and it's the same as the speaking?! KILL ME.
okay i'm on 289 now so i need..191 points overall to get an a.. coursework out of 60.. wait i'm confused. i don't know what i actually got lol, i think it was an a though, i remember being like yay less pressure for speaking :P
i realise this is a big blog of stressing over how many points make up each module of my spanish a level but i don't CARE, i'm stressing. basically it comes down to 'i can't fail my speaking and still get to london'. shit.
the offer from durham is like aab but i could get ab in french/spanish and a in something else, so i spose i'm aiming for an a in english and not sociology.. as coursework is a lol. i'm an a APPARENTLY in my coursework but it hasn't been moderated so seeing as she knows nothing it'll prolly be marked down to like an e, but i'm feeling a bit better about the exams so hmm - not that i even want to go to durham at all but still. i did well in the sociology exams last year but they're well scary this year with the forty mark question..
SHIT.
okay. i can calm down. i'm still not dressed lol that make me feel a bit more work-y.
RIGHT. omg this has stressed me out but not in a bad way, it might make me work. right the plan IS i'll go get dressed.. tidy my room to make me feel less stressed then read my exposé a couple of times, re-do the headings, write the study part of my sociology coursework.. then i might have to watch how to look good naked to calm me down, do the hamlet essay (kill me, i actually can't do hamlet. YET. it WILL BE FINE), more sociology though all the current bits are in school.. spose i could just rewrite them as that's what i need to.. spanish speaking. omg the exam. OMG. okay i need to go before i freak out, i always sort of assumed my spanish was good enough just cause i'm more coherent than craig a lot of the time OMG this guy's actually spanish. OHHHHH dear. okay yeah it'll be fine. i'll check in later and we'll see.. sooooooon.

DON'T YOU WANT ME BABY?
DON'T YOU WANT ME?
OH OH OH OH
ah. i'm in SUCH a weird mood today, i have been since like lesson 2 when we talked about eating chocolate weirdly - is it only me that just eats it and doesn't rip random bits off it with my teeth and eat it section by section?! I'M SURELY THE MORE NORMAL ONE IN THIS SITUATION?! anyways that set me off i think, and talk of squashed sandwiches and pushing people's face into cakes, good times. this week has gone sooo quickly. i spent all of last term wishing it away and now i'm panicking about exams so it's gonna go at the speed of light, i can see it now. ahh. roll on summer though, getting away from craig.
got our exam timetables today, worrying. well no, i feel better for having it if i'm honest but it's become a whole lot realer than it was before :P turns out i have like eight hours of exams in one day, in fact my first day of exams. so i have to supervised for like a million hours and no phone/internet and other such stupid precautions to stop me cheating on a general studies paper ¬_¬ i'll get over that at some point i'm sure but for the moment: GAY.
my ucas updated too, i have til the 5th june. i could do it now but no, i'll keep it for a while just cause i can ^_^
such dancey dancey music is coming on shuffle, rhythm of the night anyone? i might have a dance before i settle into a night of how to look good naked, the bell jar and a french exposé. i'm probably not going to oxfam but i might go next week right? i have eaten SO much today i want to kill myself, i really need to get some self-control :( i'm gonna be obese :(
ooh lethal bizzle (bizzle bizzle <3). dance dance. daaaancey dancey.
anyways nothing else to tell.
i should go. laters!

helloo.
i was sick today, eugh. i hate how much school i miss on specific days, it's always a thursday or a monday (though half of those mondays i've not actually been sick, whatever).
i wish we could open our eyes to see in all directions at the same time
oh what a beautiful view if you were never aware of what was around you
and it is true what you said, that i live like a hermit in my own head
but when the sun shines again, i'll pull the curtains and blinds to let the light in
sorrow drips into your heart through a pinhole just like a faucet that leaks
and there is comfort in the sound
but while you debate half empty or half full, it slowly rises
your love is gonna drown
i actually love death cab for cutie, love love love. i repeat myself but i don't care.
it feels kind of summery today, i've decided i don't like it feeling summery before exams cause it just reminds me of exam time over and over. last year it wasn't summery really around the time we had exams so this just reminds me of y11 and sports hall exams and classrooms when it was warm outside and eugh, i don't want to do my a levels anymore.
i got an offer from durham yesterday, i think i can put it as my second place one depends how likely it is i'll get an a in sociology or english and not necessarily french or spanish.. if that makes sense, which is doesn't, but it doesn't matter.
i don't feel how i'm supposed to feel at the moment. i should be getting stuff done (lol at how much school stuff i have for tomorrow btw, though i don't actually mean all school work) and i'm just waiting for the days to pass til i don't have a levels anymore so i can freak out that i've left school some. i don't feel exactly and completely in control of much at all, and at the same time that doesn't bother me at all. i think i'm spending too much time on my own, i need to do something. i realise i see people everyday at school but i don't mean those kind of conversations. i don't know. i always say i think i'm stressed to justify these reactions to things so i spose i must be, i'm normally really happy as a person so it's gotta be :P i've decided i get like this too often to think of myself as happy like i do, in my mind i'm always positive and i'm REALLY not. ahhhhh well. i can be optimistic ^_^
i cannot pretend that i felt any regret
cause each broken heart will eventually mend
as the blood runs red down the needle and thread
someday you will be loved
you'll be loved, you'll be loved
like you never have known
the memories of me will seem more like bad dreams
just a series of blurs like i never occurred
someday you will be loved
you may feel alone when you're falling asleep
and everytime tears roll down your cheeks
but i know your heart belongs to someone you've yet to meet
someday you will be loved
i feel like going for a walk but i'm not going on my own and my mum's gotta go to this picture thing that i'm unwilling to go to, hopefully she won't make me. i don't know who i feel like seeing really, not like i don't want to see anyone but there's no one specific. i don't know what to do with myself.
i should really go and do some of that work i've to do. i want to go and watch a film though, i might watch that nice irish one my mum got, it looks 'nice'. i'll go anyway, i'll have a cup of tea and be fine :P.
you're so cute when you're slurring your speech but they're closing the bar and they want us to leave.

amongst the vending machines and year old magazines
in a place where we only say goodbye
it stung like a violent wind that our memories depend on
a faulty camera in our minds
and i knew that you were a truth i would rather lose than to have never lain beside at all
and i looked around at all the eyes on the ground as the tv entertained itself
aause there's no comfort in the waiting room
just nervous pacers bracing for bad news
and then the nurse comes round and everyone lift their heads
but i'm thinking of what sarah said, that love is watching someone die
so who's gonna watch you die?
so who's gonna watch you die?

i really have to start this english. it's my dad's birthday tomorrow, meaning i should probably be up before he goes to work and all. i also should probably get to school on time for english as he hates me for never going to his lessons, i should probably take the yellow off my nails and paint them red to empower me.

the flames and smoke climbed out of every window and disappeared with everything that you held dear
and you shed not a single tear for the things that you didn't need
cause you knew you were finally free
cause all you see is where else you could be when you're at home
out on the street are so many possibilities to not be alone

i love death cab for cutie, love love love. they seem in love all the time, in a GOOD way.
i need to go and wooooork.
i need to do many things.
ah.
i just wrote a letter like 'imagine if i could actually send this to the person who needs to read it' and then tore it up and burnt it, i've never done anything like that before. i feel a bit crazy but i wanted to say stuff like see it written but then i didn't like seeing it at all. what do i dooooooooo.
the english essay is what i do - night!