yay skyblog ^_^

it's funny how at the end of the last blog i was wondering what truths would come out and right now it seems like the least important thing in the world, i really do fluctuate with how important regret is to me. AH WELL.
after that confrontation, you left me wringing my cold hands
we shared some information we might not recover from
and i watch your conviction melt like ice cubes in an ocean
you were so poorly cast as a malcontent
i love the shins, they're so good at lyrics. SO GOOD.
every post you can hitch your faith on is a pie in the sky
chock full of lies
a tool we devise to make sinking stones fly
and still to come, the worst part and you know it
there is a numbness in your heart and it's growing
so today elle came over and we ate noodles and made country plans ('i want to get a tiny cow!') and marion plans, then my mum came and that was fine. tomorrow it seems we're painting and making cakes, gotta start on the summer plans list :D. we were meant to be roadtripping but tom wouldn't take us to wales :(. ah well, we'll do that with lindz when she's back (assuming she's willing, lol).
that's about that then. i'm staying up all night tonight to try and sort my sleeping patterns out, if i go to bed early tomorrow night then it should be fine.. cool ^_^. i shall read my trashy novel, the italian tycoon's bride, and maybe some part of a good book.. the communist manifesto or of the farm, which isn't that good but better than mills and boon. i'll also finish the list of books for uni and get them tomorrow.. i'm tempted to buy a laptop with the money in my account but my mother would literally tear me limb from limb. so maybe not.
the years have seemed short but the days go slowly by
two loose kites falling from the sky
drawn to the ground and an end to flight
ah i really fancy noodles, though i've had them once today already and not much else, but i spose my parents might think it odd.. though i could have them for breakfast as elle said people should more. maybe sometime in the early hours of the morning it could work. noodley goodness. i could do the noodle dance too <3.
so if camden guy comes up on saturday, could maybe go either way but you know, could happen.. then that's 'til tuesday, then marion comes on thursday, then fuse on.. saturday, liz's birthday on monday the 14th - bastille day! - , her party on .. the 18th, friday, sarah comes on the 22nd.. july's a bit crazy already. can you believe it's july?! maah. ahh :D. life's peachy, the single thing i'd change is having money but it's teaching me to appreciate it more by HAVING NONE. i can learn and grow from this experience :P.

you may tire of me
as our december sun is setting
cause i'm not who i used to be
no longer easy on the eyes
but these wrinkles masterfully disguise the youthful boy below who turned your way
and saw something he was not looking for
both a beginning and an end
but now he lives inside someone he does not recognise
when he catches his reflection on accident

on the back of a motorbike
with your arms outstretched trying to take flight
leaving everything behind
but even at our swiftest speed we couldn't break from the concrete
in the city where we still reside
and i have learned that even landlocked lovers yearn for the sea like navy men
cause now we say goodnight
from our own separate sides
like brothers on a hotel bed

okay, i'm blogged out for the moment. i might blog once the sun's up. laters!

so i was thinking about how coincidental everything is in our entire lives and how it all interweaves together and we're reliant on others without quite realising; then i got to the point of thinking i have no idea how i got to where i am now, no clue where i'm going and i don't think i really care. i keep making mistakes but within a few days/weeks (depending i spose) it couldn't matter less, i just don't care. maybe this is just cause i'm young, also explaining why things are generally confusing at times. maybe this is what .. you know, THINGS are like. ah lol, i love what 3am does to me. this is so not like how i think during the day.
i think i'm better now. ie have judged what things it's okay to do and not care about.. perhaps, it's quite obvious i don't know what i'm on about.
i wonder what truths will find their way out eventually.
night!

ah, things are looking up. just to let you all know. i don't know, i don't like giving the impression i'm depressed or whatever so i'll update it the minute i start to feel better. i took a shower and painted my nails and put on fabulous moisturiser and dried my hair all curly and now i'm looking at how i could get my hair cut, i'm feeling better ^_^. then my mum gave me money, yay?! i must be sensible with it and not use it to buy food and whatnot, dunno what though. it's prom though, i'll probably buy alcohol as i can't control myself :( ah well. prom soon! i realise i just said that but i'm actually quite excited, i didn't think i would be at all. it should be gooooood, the last time i'll see most of the year together as i'm not here for results day. ahh.
i got my reading list from ucl and i don't know what to do with it. it's tempting fate to actually buy the ones i need isn't it? oh it's such a nice evening, i should go for a walk or something. though i'm not really in a state to leave the house.. maybe i'll go and potter around in the garden for a bit. i hope the weather's generally good this year just so my garden may be fully appreciated, cocktail parties and the like. yay ^_^.
ah i really want to go to a LAKE and swim in it. so baaaad, and skim stones and such. maah, ah well.
anyway, i best be off. i'm gonna tidy up my awful room and hoover, read a bit more of of the farm, which i'm not loving but whatever, paint my nails fun colours, have a wander in the garden and then see. i was up 'til 5 this morning before i realised i should probably try to sleep, and then still couldn't. my body clock is completely shot, it was like almost completely light before i even thought about sleep. whatever. i'm tireder today so we shall see. i watched eternal sunshine of the spotless mind earlier, i love it. it didn't make me cry though. i'ma watch dude where's my car tomorrow i think, yay. or moulin rouge! who knows?! laters!
i said i don't wanna go cause it means i'd have to throw this element of mine aside
i'm afraid, confused, and i don't have a clue as to what to fear in you
so what if i don't wanna be the lonely one?
well the truth of course is this: i don't want to miss you more than i already do
i've been screaming my lungs out cause i'm wishing you were here with me now
i'm impatient, i apologise
but i'm human and i'm selfish
got me feeling i should deal with this
but i'm hiding and no one knows where

ohhh deeear - what am i doing? i haven't had a good weekend i've decided, i woke up this morning (too early damnit thanks to them chainsawing trees outside my window) and felt a whole lot better for having watched dirty dancing two, and then tonight it all just vanished again into whatever the hell phase i'm in now. i think if i wrote it all down it might be a way of ordering my thoughts but i'd have to order my thoughts in order to write them down. i was thinking about how some people spend all this time thinking about things, like whatever's bothering them or whatever they're happy about or whatever, i really do not do that. i just don't think about things, at least never for more than a few minutes. i don't overanalyse cause i don't even analyse, i just wander along as i am and think it's fine. and it is, except for when i really need to come to some conclusions about things and i just can't cause i don't know HOW TO THINK ABOUT THINGS. sigh.
so, at the moment. i'm living in a crackden of a room, wasting all my time away (i totally need to get a job but eugh, tomorrow <-- THAT IS MY ATTITUDE ¬_¬). i'm not happy tonight, i feel like i need to go and have a properly good cry but i've nothing to cry about. growing indifference, oh dear.
i just don't know what to do.

aahhhhh. it's a properly nice evening tonight, in a summery way ^_^. not that i'm making the most of it, i should have gone for a walk or something. i'm feeling like i'm not getting enough human contact these days, or at least contact with people i like. prom on thursday though! enough people i like there. and hopefully the weather will pick up and we can have park days, yaaaay.
oh my good lord i need a job, it's stressing me out not having any money. maaah :(
i watched dirty dancing two today though, that made me feel better. friday seemed to unnerve me a bit but i feel clearer today. that said, nothing's going on so there's nothing to blog about. i might go and read and have a cup of tea and it'll be fiiiine.
decisions decisions.
laters!